Caged Animals

I'm writing to you from the tiny room in the MRC known as the Media Lab - MRC is Music Resource Center for all for the non-Lee-musicites out there. I love the beginning of school, because everyone always starts with the best intentions. "I'm not going to miss any classes," "I'm going to turn in all my homework on time," "I'm going to get up and walk every morning"...etc, etc, etc.

Well, the School of Music is trying to crack down on would-be users of the computers in the Media Lab that shouldn't be - WHY it would be a bad thing for them to use it, I don't know...so they now lock the door and force you to fork over your student ID as well as sign your life away on a sheet that doesn't really say anything on it about why you're signing it. Then they open it and shut you in...ignoring the fact that this many computers in a tiny room will do nothing but raise the temperature about 20 degrees.

So we're all stuck in here like caged animals...and something about it makes me want to bolt for the door everytime the attendee opens it, even though I'm not being detained against my will. I feel like I should be beating on the glass window and begging for food or something...

Just like all the other good intentions that people have in the beginning, I wonder just how long this will last? We will have to see...I'll try to report - because I know that you care *smirk*.

I can't believe that this week has gone by so quickly - tomorrow will be Friday and the first full week of classes will be over. Is this an indication of how the rest of the semester is going to go? It's kind of terrifying, because it puts me one step closer to graduation, which on one had will be freakin' awesome - but the other hand will leave me at that same dreaded crossroads of "what now?"

But it's all good - GOD is good...and I know He has a plan that I don't necessarily need to see yet. So I'm going to try my hardest not to worry about it right now and focus on getting this research completed as well as my thesis.

I'm enjoying my two classes with Dr. Moffett so far, because he's challenging my ideas and that in turn is helping me to further clarify my stance on important issues...open my eyes, really, to some things that I didn't necessarily think about before. Same way that Dr. Thompson changed the way I thought about music education, I now find Dr. Moffett's classes doing the same thing.

The idea of having a Philosophy of Music Education or of Church Music didn't mean anything to me before, but all of the sudden, I realize just how vital it is to be clear on what you believe and defining the purpose for whatever it is you do - my Philosophy of Music Education will ultimately affect how I teach just as my philosophy of church music will affect how I lead worship.

To be honest, these classes have really pointed out just how self-focused I have been. When teaching, I was more concerned about the music we were making and how we sounded than what the students were walking away with from my classroom and if I was teaching students to be independent musicians. As far as church work is concerned, I'm learning that I was more concerned with what type of music we were using to lead people in to worship and not necessarily the meaning of the text. I mean, I thought I was doing these things, but because I didn't have a clear picture in my head of what it was I was trying to accomplish and how, I was using methods that were more all about me than they were about helping others...and I never realized it.

I don't know if this is what it means to be 30, but I thought for sure by now I would have a more solid grip on who I am. Maybe I'm a late bloomer. Maybe I'm a whole lot less mature than I originally thought. All I know is that the older I get, I recognize just how much pride and obstinance really does rule my life. And what's sad about that is this realization of just how much of my life I haven't surrendered to God under the assumption that I had.

But that's another conversation for another day - right now, I need to think about finding some food and drink, because class time is drawing near...and I have a feeling that this class is going to end up being one huge debate...

Lord help me keep my mouth shut *grin*.

Falling Out of Chairs

Ah...I made it in to work for the ministry today and found myself playing musical chairs. You see, I'm short, so my feet never touch the ground in most chairs - so I usually find a chair that I can touch in and just use that. Well, today the boss decided to help me find a chair somewhere in the office that would work. Being a non-profit, they have a lot of donated items that allow you to have any manner of chair - most have something about them that don't necessarily work, but hey, they're free. I'm used to that aspect of non-profit.

However the last chair we found was the one in the front office - and being the heavy-weight that I am, I tend to throw myself down into every chair I sit in instead of being ladylike :) - yup, this happened to be one of those that flies backwards easily...my legs went up in the air and I nearly threw myself out, but managed to hold on for dear life. And the bossman began laughing hysterically :).

I of course laughed because what else are you going to do? It was funny...but then *I* start to laugh and it brings up the whole laughter conversation. He said that he and his wife agreed that one of my strongest attributes was my laughter.

????

Wow - thanks *grin* - he then quickly said some other stuff about my intelligence, blah blah blah - it was just funny.

In all honesty, I've always been known for my laugh. I get lost in laughter and don't realize how loud I get. I love to laugh - but man, it's always been a sore spot for me because I've either been made fun of for it or simply told that I'm too loud and I need to be quiet. I'm one of those annoying loud office people at times. So if someone is in a bad mood, I'm the first target because I'm naturally loud, period.

Ah well, not intending to complain - just making a comment I guess. Laughter is the best medicine until someone gets a headache :). I guess it's all a part of getting used to who I am - being comfortable in my own skin. God made me this way and I have to learn to deal with the good and the bad :).

This learning to like yourself for who you are stuff is kinda hard.

Dawn of a New Blog

Hola everybody - welcome to the site of my new blog. I have another, but it's material I wrote over the past few years and I'm feeling like a new blog is in order. Hopefully I'll be updating it regularly, so please feel free to subscribe to keep updated with the things going on in my life. Sometimes it's hard to let everyone know what is going on...and this way just tends to be easier.

In a lot of ways, this is truly a new era for me. As John Mayer's song, "Stop this Train" runs through my mind, the line "I'm just one step away from finding life out on my own" takes on new meaning. With my Dad now living in our eternal home, it seems this world has taken on a whole new view to me. It's amazing how one event can redefine your whole life.

Anyway, I just wanted to get something up on the page to get started with. If you're a friend and you have a blog, let me know and I'll link you up on my page - I'm a huge blogger fan...so be sure to check back often...my life is such a rollercoaster I'm sure someone else will want to take the ride with me :).