A Blob of Nothingness

"I don't know what this is about, but God says he has a plan and not to worry...that's it."

This was the message I received on Sunday night from a wonderful woman in my choir at church - and it couldn't have been more needed. Seems like it should be a simple thing to believe, but I constantly struggle with it, the closer that graduation time comes.

Graduation at high school was stressful, but it was so full of hope - I was going to get edumicated to continue on in life - there was a bright future ahead.

Graduation at college was great because I was finally able to start my own career and no longer did I have to give answers to please professors but I could finally make my own professional decisions. Still a bit scary because I had to find a job, but it seemed to happen fairly quickly.

Now I'm back at graduation for graduate school, and it's so different, but yet, just the same. But this time, the hope doesn't seem to be there. I've been struggling with this sense of "aimlessness" for the good part of two years now. I've wondered often if there's a plan or if I'm really supposed to find my own way. I didn't necessarily doubt that God had a plan, but all of the sudden it seemed that I had more of a responsibility of choosing what I wanted to do, or what path to take next. There's a Bible verse in Psalm I think that talks about God ordering the steps of the righteous - but I haven't felt very righteous lately. Not supposed to go by feelings, I know.

But what is "REAL"? This is the constant question I struggle with. Is "reality" something that is different for each individual person? Is there a definite reality?

I don't feel like getting into this philosophical crap tonight. I'm in my bedroom, warm and comfy, and I'm listening to the songs I have on my myspace list. I simply love music. I love the way the chords fit together - I love the different elements that make music what it is. I'm passionate about everything there is about music...well, I'm not so passionate about performing practice, which is the class I'm in right now *grin*, but I do like the result of those who study it. I just have no desire to do so.

But the messages aren't all Christian - and after reading Harold Best's "Music Through The Eyes of Faith," I'm not too worried about it. Granted, there are definite things I wouldn't listen to because I feel like it would corrupt my mind...but the jury is still out on some of it.

I want to have something profound to say everytime I write, you know? But unfortunately, I'm now losing steam and my attention is being scattered so that I no longer remember what it was that pushed me to open the blog and write it *grin*.

So, that's it for now...until I remember why I wrote in the first place :)

Cold Air From The Heating Vent

In typical Sarah fashion, I'm up too late - I should have been doing work, but I got distracted trying to set up my printer to be wireless. He He He - let's just leave it at it hasn't gone well so far. But other than that, I'm sitting at my desk, which has the air vent underneath it, and it's shooting out cold air! I can't quite figure that one out, because the heat is on pretty high for once because I'm super cold, and with the wind chill it's in the 20's here (which is a rare occurrence in itself) - and I feel COLD air coming out of the vent - but it's warm in the house??? I have yet to understand and figure this place out.

I had to buy a new desk chair today - the one I had been broken for a long time evidently and I didn't know it...today it nearly threw me across the room so I decided to bite the bullet and buy a new one. Sometimes Wal-Mart is a Godsend - especially on a tight budget - let's just hope the quality allows it to last long enough for me to get my money's worth out of it!

Well, I've had some computer issues lately - the laptop crashed again and this time, although they said they would save my information for me, the guy did a /fixboot and erased the hard disk without backing anything up - which I knew how to do on my own, had I wanted to lose everything. Well, most of it was backed up on my hard disk...well, that crashed too, for some reason. But not before I got the really important stuff back on the laptop. So I'm thinking I'm just going to start printing everything out (if I can ever get my printer working again *grrr*) so I never completely lose everything.

But with my mind in the state it's been lately, I may have already lost everything anyway *grin*.

Okay - I'm going to try and take some more pictures of Link tomorrow and get them up. He's growing so quickly that I can hardly believe he was small enough to fit in my hand when I first picked him up. I wish I had gotten better pictures of him...he looked so adorable with his smooth head and long floppy ears. He still looks adorable *grin*.

I think I'm done for now - I just wanted to drop a few lines and get another post on the blog since I haven't been on it for a while. Hope all is well wherever you are when you read this :).